Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Disappointment

I was feeling pretty religious
standing on the bridge in my winter coat
looking down at the gray water:
the sharp little waves dusted with snow,
fish in their tin armor.

That’s what I like about disappointment:
the way it slows you down,
when the querulous insistent chatter of desire
....................... goes dead calm

and the minor roadside flowers
pronounce their quiet colors,
and the red dirt of the hillside glows.

She played the flute, he played the fiddle
and the moon came up over the barn.
Then he didn’t get the job, -
or her father died before she told him
....................... that one, most important thing –

and everything got still.

It was February or October
It was July
I remember it so clear
You don’t have to pursue anything ever again
It’s over
You’re free
You’re unemployed

You just have to stand there
looking out on the water
in your trench coat of solitude
with your scarf of resignation
..................... lifting in the wind.

Tony Hoagland
Taken from What Narcissism Means to Me


Image taken from www.bbc.co.uk

Afterthought

It took me a few days to accept the fact that I am finally employed. I’ve lost count on the numbers of resumes and applications forms I’ve send out over the past 427 days just to face rejection after rejection. They were like nails, brutally forced and twisted into my body with bare hands. I fought hard to stay positive, but it was not easy especially my saving was running low.

Let’s be honest, it sucks to be unemployed. And as a student of Psychology I am well aware of its negative effects. It sucks even more when it strips your self-esteem and self-confidence layer by layer day after day. That is when you start feeling depress, anxious and naked. It also doesn’t help when your friends and family members, out of good intention, advised you not to be too choosy and just pick ANY job that is available. Yah right, jobs grow on trees like apple, so what are you waiting for, quick get a ladder.

Sad but true, work provides an important context for social interaction and to a certain degree gives one a sense of identity; it positions us in the social structure. For example, when you introduce yourself to a stranger in a social function, it is common to talk about one’s job. Work connects people and is much more interesting than discussing the weather and income tax.

According to Warr (1987) loss of income is usually the most harmful effect. I totally agree with him. If I am a billionaire, frankly I don’t mind being unemployed. I might feel sad when they rejected my applications but I will soon get over it once I bought over those companies and fired the people responsible for rejecting my applications.

That would be so cool.

2 comments:

dsnake1 said...

i know you will make it, pal.
but it must be really hard on you when you were looking for that job.

how nice it will be to have a room full of gold bars. :)

alson said...

Frankly, I’ve learnt quite a few things about myself during this period. If you are interested I will tell you more about it over coffee.

Ya, a room full of gold bars would be nice. :)